I Wasn’t A Good Coach 😒…
Over the last 20 years… I did my best to be a good coach and have had the pleasure of working and coaching with several kick*ss people.
Everything from stay at home mom’s to the best & brightest BJJ black belts... to professional MMA fighters.
Looking back… many have had killer success from my coaching, many have not.
Those who failed to see success were from my failings as a coach. Because I was trying to be "a good coach"... more on this in a sec.
Today, I thought I’d share with you… 5 things (i.e., reasons) I came up with on why my students failed to succeed.
You may be falling into the same traps yourself… keeping you from the physical and mental success which you seek.
5 Reasons Why
My Students Failed To See Progress
Non Compliance/Refusal to Follow the Program.
This is #1 for a reason and is the most common. For whatever reason, people refuse to "follow the program" and trust the process.
Instead of complying, they say, “well… I’m gonna follow this instead” or... “I haven’t been eating & tracking my foods because I have a good idea of what I’m eating”.
Most people think they know what and how much they’re eating or... they think they’re eating in a caloric deficit… but they’re NOT.
This puts them out of integrity with what they say they want because their goals and actions are out of alignment.
Maybe they wanna lose weight (read: body fat) but refuse to track their foods.
They refuse to follow the training… instead wanna add more workouts or fail to show up period.
3 characteristics of successful people (in life, family, biz, and health)
1️⃣ They do the HARD work (hard work doesn’t care about your feelings).
2️⃣ They stick to the plan. They don’t add more than required.
3️⃣ They master the basics. Because the basics are repeatable and... repeatability leads to consistency and consistency leads to massive success.
The difference in those who do succeed vs. those who don’t is the ability and willingness to follow the program.
Trusting Their Feelings Over Reason.
Another BIG one.
This one can lead you in many dark directions… drowning you in deep waters.
Relying on your feelings over reason.
This's true for people who don’t “feel” like getting in their workout and... the over zealous crowd who can’t step away from the gym.
You can't trust your feelings… they’ll LIE to your face everyday and never shoot you straight.
Relying on your emotions/feelings is normal because… your brain is designed to keep you alive, keep you safe, and... to seek pleasure.
These conflict with exercise.
… your body DOESN’T want to stress itself.
… it doesn’t want to lose weight and drop body fat.
… it loathes the idea of metabolic stress to build muscle.
To break through this… you must use reason over your feelings. We all have a will and an intellect.
And it’s our intellect (i.e., our reason) which tells our will to act. You can think of this as “mind over matter”.
Same goes for the exercise zealots.
For the first time… their body is feeling GREAT.
They’re getting stronger, leaner, and more muscular and for the first time in years... they no longer HATE the image they see in the mirror.
So they begin to operate from a place of fear because they don’t wanna lose the progress they’ve worked SO hard for.
They've sworn to NEVER go back to being “that person” ever again.
Guess what they do?
Instead of sticking to the plan… they DO MORE!
More strength training.
More caloric deprivation.
And mountains of cardio and HIIT training.
They refuse to eat above maintenance... as the plan calls for.
Because… they’re afraid of packing the pounds back on by eating more.
(read: operating from a place of fear)
This's the #1 reason I love fasting.
Sure there’s health benefits and weight loss but... doing it for those reasons alone is WRONG.
Fasting realigns what my mentor (Sup Rick!) calls “right reason”.
Fasting re-establishes virtue in your life, teaches you mind over matter, and eliminates the amount of choices you need to make each day.
It realigns your intellect and will.
You regain control over your mind (intellect over your will), crush your goals, and guarantee your success.
You must gain control of your mind... and seek reason over your feelings and emotions.
There’s a saying in Stoic philosophy, “A man is born a Stoic and dies an Epicurean”.
Focusing Too Much on the Outcome.
You must detach yourself from the outcome. Focusing too much on the outcome leaves you feeling overwhelmed... and breeds a steaming pile of anxiety.
Don’t focus on the amount of weight you need to lose... so you can stop hating yourself.
Forget how much muscle you wanna build... so you can look good naked by summer.
When you begin to feel overwhelmed and anxious about everything which needs to get done... step back and in the words of Jock Wilink, "you must prioritize and execute".
“What needs to happen TODAY?"
“What domino can I knock over in my life to have a ripple effect on everything else?"
Focus on your daily tasks.
Focus on complying with the plan in front of you.
It’s kinda like building a wall.
Don’t focus on the wall you gotta build… this creates anxiety. Instead… focus on laying one brick at a time. Lay that brick as perfect as you've ever laid a brick in your life.
Same with your workouts.
Don’t think of the 12 week program, the 50 pounds you need to drop, etc...
Focus on one meal at a time.
Make your meal as tasty as you can make it.
Make it with your family, bond with them, and create memories.
Show up for your workouts with the right mindset.
Make each rep as perfect as YOU can.
There are two types of men who see success in life, biz, and health.
The 1st guy
Hates showing up... he wants to “get it over with” so he can say "he did something" and can’t wait till the day is over.
This is the “thank God it’s Friday!” and “Ugh tomorrow is Monday!” kinda guy.
(Btw, did you know… heart attack rates increase by 35% on Mondays? It’s crazy how many people hate their lives)
The second guy
Doesn’t feel like doing the work either but… he knows... his work is his purpose and ensures the survival of his tribe (I.e., his wife and kids).
He relies on reason over his emotions.
He focuses on making his work as perfect as he can make it.
He learns to enjoy the process and seeks pleasure in his work.
He makes each day count and looks forward to Monday.
If results are important to you… don’t focus on the outcome… you’re gonna get there.
Focus on the task at hand… prioritize and execute.
And soon… you’ll have a wall.
Not taking ownership of your results.
Your results… ARE YOUR RESULTS.
I wrote about this recently here.
Your results are your results, you conceived them.
Results are the TRUTH of your recent work and you MUST own them.
When you take ownership of your results… you can finally move forward... and possess the results you envisioned when you first started.
Only then do the problems get solved.
Ask yourself this when it comes to your physical success.
If my boss were to give me a performance review at my job… based on my current health results... would I still have a job at the company?
If the answer is no... it's time to change and follow the plan.
Results are truth and you can’t argue a truth. You can only deny it.
Which leaves you living in a fantastic world.
To break free and get the results you’ve been chasing for years… you MUST take ownership of where you’re at now.
WITHOUT judging yourself.
(NEVER kick a man when he's down)
Only then can you move forward.
I Wasn't A Good Coach.
Speaking of ownership… I saved the best for last.
There's a difference between being a good coach... and being good at being a coach.
Read that again.
Being a good coach... and being good at being a coach.
As I look back… many of my students failed to see success because I wasn't a good coach.
I was too focused on being a good coach.
Let me explain...
Being a good coach is a push-over. I didn’t challenge them like they needed to be challenge.
I accepted their excuses.
I was afraid (read: operating from a place of fear) to call them on their bulls*it.
I fell victim to my feelings instead of relying on reason.
I was afraid if I did, many would get their butts hurt and leave.
Being good at being a coach requires you to challenge your people to be better... no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
But there’s a dichotomy here... between shaming your students, treating them like sh*t, and challenging them to be better.
(I've seen too many "coaches" fall too far to the left.)
For many years I was a good coach and not good at being a coach.
I didn’t challenge my students like they needed to be challenge. Which is why many of them failed to see success.
All this ended for me a couple years ago... when I turned away from being a good coach (trusting my feelings) to being good at being a coach (trusting reason).
Which now allows my intellect to cause my will to act (in love).
And you know what... in this time span, I’ve lost many students because they weren’t ready to hear the truth. But… now I can sleep at night knowing... I've followed “right reason”.
I now coach my students from a place of love... using reason.
And sometimes love hurts.
There you have it friend.
20 years of coaching distilled into 5 reasons why my students... and maybe even yourself... have not seen results.
If any of the 5 above resonated with you… drop a comment and let me know.