"I’m insecure and think each day, 'I’m a failure'."

A few years back I was on a mastermind call with my coach. She brought on one of her mentors and she talked about, "13 Forms of Resistance."

... and I wanna share the 5 which stood out to me the most.

But before I do.

I wanna share 3 things with you.

1. A concept know as the "Upper Limit Problem"
2. My default form of resistance.
3. A personal and vulnerable story about me being a fraud. (This one is in the P.S. should you have the time to give it a read.)

1: The Upper Limit Problem

Gay Hendricks in his Book, "The Big Leap" talks about it in detail.

Here's the gist.

The Upper Limit Problem is a negative feedback loop where you encounter your capacity to experience happiness.

Once you reach this limit.

You do SOMETHING to sabotage yourself... bringing yourself down to feelings/environment which is more familiar. It's your brain's defense mechanism to keep you safe.

It looks like this:

• You're doing great on your diet and workouts. Then out of nowhere... you go on a 4-5 day eating binge (and you don't know why).
• You have a killer week in business or your career then enter into bouts with RAGE and start fights with your wife.
• You have a spiritual break through then go on a month long porn escapade.
• You deflect and NEVER accept compliments from people (HUGE one for me).

If any of these hit home, you my friend have experienced the "Upper Limit Problem."

2: My Default form of Resistance

I’m a regular dude, like you.

I’m insecure and think each day, "I'm a failure."

I feel "undeserving" at times.

Each time I experience success... my ego shifts to self-sabotage. If I didn’t make a sale in 24hrs or someone quit my gym… I'd go into self-destruct mode.

I'd trap myself in a state of "confusion" and wouldn't "know" what actions I needed to take next. As men, we second guess ourselves all the time.

My moments of "confusion" would set in after a coaching call.

Then I'd either 1.) wait for the next call with my coach to get pumped up again to take action. Or 2.) I'd stop what I was doing so I could "gain clarity."

You know... "do more research."

Instead of taking imperfect ACTION right away.

And that brings me to the...

5 Forms of Resistance

These are symptoms of living life in fear and resisting change. We resist change because we reached our capacity to feel happiness.

(... this is subconscious btw. Which doesn't make things any easier.)

Resistance #1: Research and Planning

This happens after "confusion" like I mentioned above.

You fall in the trap of doing "more research."

More research on workouts, diets, etc.

"Program hopping."

At this point, you've become a man of consumption vs. a man of production. This’s a BIG ONE for men: paralysis by analysis.

Just when you're about to take new action so you can lose the weight, build the strength, muscle, etc.

(... with the end result of being happier with yourself.)

What happens?

Your ego steps in to keep you safe.

It develops a thirst for NEW INFORMATION.

You think you need to know everything before you get started.

Instead.

Ask yourself... do you know enough to take the next step?

Your ego has you believe research and planning is essential. While it's important to plan... it shouldn't become resistance to avoid doing the hard work.

Resistance #2: Procrastination

This ties into research and planning.

When I say, "procrastination…" I’m not talking about binge watching Cobra Kai on Netflix.

Or taking some needed time off.

True procrastination is easy to identify.

Telling yourself, "before I can do 'X', I need to do, 'Y'."

• NO. You do not need to do laundry first so you can wear your favorite shorts to workout.
• NO. You do not need to clean the garage so you can have more space to knockout your Clean and Presses.

NO.

NO.

NO.

Your ego is smart.

It takes PLEASURE in giving you the run around with all the little stuff which does not move your life forward.

Instead you gotta "Eat the Frog" as Brian Tracy puts it.

Ge the most "painful" task(s) done first.

Legacy-grade work which will outlive YOU.

Resistance #3: Lack of Resources or Excuses

If you hear yourself say, "well I can't because..."

"Before I can get my workout in I need to _____ and therefore I can't exercise."

"I don't have _____ and that's why I can't _____."

Men create obstacles for themselves which are insurmountable.

It's faulty thinking.

There is always a small step you can take to move yourself forward.

Start where you are with what you have.

Take the first step.

And everything else will fall in place.

I promise.

Resistance #4: Thinking You're Special.

YIKES.

This one's gonna sting a little.

Thinking your circumstances are unique.

Sadly... I'm here to tell you, they're not.

You don't get to skip steps or bypass rules.

You can't skip the inner work (i.e., the Bucketing Work) required to get clear on why you haven't been consistent with your efforts to lead your family.

Everyone is "stressed for time."

Etc.

Etc.

Resistance #5: Fear

This comes out when your ego has pulled all the tricks and nothing is working on you.

It's where your brain pulls out the BIG GUNS.

Where you become anxious or experience new emotions.

The good news?

Fear is an indicator of imminent transformation.

This is the last ditch effort for your ego to kick you in the balls and keep you from your purpose.

Don't misunderstand fear as, "you're afraid of something."

Or you’re a little bitch, "pfff I ain’t scared of nothin'."

No.

Fear is acknowledging that which has power over you.

GIVING YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES MEANING.

Being a man is about developing courage and leaning into FEAR. When you're on the cusp of transformation and stepping into new levels of happiness... your "Upper Limit" kicks in.

"Something comes up."

(More research?)

"I have to stay late at work again."

"Family is coming into town."

The next time you come against fear and your Upper Limit.

Recognize them for what they are.

Your ego's last ditch effort to hold you back.

The more fear you experience... the closer you are to a breakthrough.

It's a sign you're up against your "Upper Limit Problem."

So now what?

Where do we go from here?

How do we overcome resistance, upper limits, and bouts with rage?

I'll share that in my next post.

Be on the lookout for... "(Part 3) Bucketing"

Appreciate you reading this far.

hec "I'm conquering resistance" g.

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3: My Default form of Resistance

A personal and vulnerable story of me being a fraud.

While I'm on the topic of resistance and upper limits. I thought I'd share with you a major form of resistance I was battling (which I rarely talk about).

This is something I've only shared with the men in our coaching program.

So please bear with me as I get a little vulnerable with ya.

[2018]

I set out "on mission" to help men become better men, husbands, and fathers.

But I had no clue where to start.

I mean hell...... I'm still working on myself.

How can I help other guys?

What could I really have to offer?

I've never helped men in this capacity.

These were a few of the many stories I was telling myself. But the biggest story of them all was... "I'm a Fraud." At this point in my journey helping men.

I was working crazy hours.

• I'd coach and work at my gym (Hardstyle) till ~11pm.
• Then come home, read and do research (resistance?) on what problems men were dealing with... and how I could help men.
• I'd edit videos.
• Write sales copy for my products.
• ... and write posts like this for you.

I would do this until ~6 in the morning some days (just ask my wife).

Bryanna and the kids were getting my "left overs."

I was failing in my vocation as a husband and father.

I was not leading my kids.

I was not being what I was trying to help the men in our program become.

A Better Man.

The result?

I felt like a fraud.

Here I was putting out this message about "being a better man" when I wasn't even doing it well.

This led to negative self-talk/self-sabotage.

The result?

I intentionally delayed launching our program, "Better Man Blueprint" for 6 months.

My rationale was.

"Well, If I don't launch the program... men can't enroll and discover that I am in fact... A FRAUD."

(... btw... the greatest fear of every man is being "found out." Being found out he's not truly who he's portraying to be.)

This story made it impossible to grow my program (because your thoughts = your results). Because of the growth struggle I worked harder––and longer.

Which led to EVEN LESS time with my family.

Leaving me again feeling like a fraud.

We call this process...

The "Toxic Cycle."

Felt like a fraud > Negative self-talk/self-sabotage/story > Problem: couldn't grow my biz > so I worked harder and longer > less time with family > Felt like a fraud.

I wrote about this inescapable vortex a few posts back.

Where your thoughts in fact perpetuate your results.

The only way out of this cycle?

Was for me to do what I call "Bucketing Work."

So I could leave my 'Toxic Cycle' and enter the 'Better Man Cycle.'

[To be continued...]