Ch 1 of 5: The Day I Said, “Yes”

F*ck, I don’t even know where or how to start this thing so I’m just gonna roll with what flows from my head, cool?

Cool.

I’ve struggled with writing this post (and almost decided not to) -- I wanted to have it out to you last week as... 

last week was the 1 year anniversary I kickstarted the in-depth testing process -- to see if I’d be a candidate to be a Living Liver Donor.

I struggled because, I don’t feel I deserve credit or recognition for being a good human and doing a “good thing”. In fact... I’ve only told this story twice in public.

The first time was breaking my silence here on my FB profile ​of “where I’ve been” since I’m pretty active there.

The second time was in San Francisco where I led a team with my great friend (one of the few peeps who knew what I was going through), Andrea U-Shi Chang at a level 1 StrongFirst certification back in May 2019.

It was tough for me, and I cried like a little b*tch.

Well, it’s been a year and I figured I’d “tell my story”, share my experience during this time last year, and let you in on the dark thoughts in my head, which haunted me each night.

The last 12 months have been a challenge for me. I almost feel as if "I've lost my way" (I'll get more into it in the coming posts over the next 5 weeks).

I’m doing this for a few reasons but -- mainly in the hope this message falls into the hands of the person God feels needs it the most.

Here we go…

Friday, 24 August 2018
Hardstyle, 19:20

Tonight I wrapped up a great deadlift session.  Lately I've been training with no music -- if there is music, it’s classical or something with no words.

It helps me think…

Contemplate my next lift, life, and it’s also when I’m the most creative.

2018 is the year I had 700 (deadlift) in my crosshairs, I knew I would be there by the end of the year.

I just pulled 639 a few months before.

I was on point.

Anywayz…

At the end of a fast 230kg pull for 3 (the fastest I’ve pulled this weight) “something” (looking back I know it was God the Holy Spirit) told me to pick up my phone and txt this to my wife...

"... I'll do it, I'll do the testing for your uncle."

Of which she replied, “WHAT?!”

Again, in the moment, I don’t know what made me do it. It was almost as if it were a reflex or something.

Looking back I know better because -- God gave me a will and an intellect.

And my intellect (my thoughts) causes my will (my actions) -- to act.

A little back story…

For the last 5 years or so, my wife’s uncle has been suffering and dying from cirrhosis of the liver.

The crazy part is, it was genetic I believe -- and not induced because of alcoholism.

In passing, I would hear my wife and her mother (her uncle is the baby of her moms siblings) talk about her uncle's health and how it's been declining each day, week, and month.

As a result of those conversations -- I knew I was his blood type but never said anything.

It sat with me for many years, weighing on my heart as I witnessed the effects it had on my wife and my dear mother-in-law.

He was dying and there wasn't anything anyone could do.

Many tried -- but failed to be compatible.

(Either genetically or because of health reasons)

Again, I don’t know why I said, “Yes”, I really don’t.

God’s will I guess .

After the txt to my wife, she told me, “ok, if you really want to, you'll need to contact the transplant center and speak with the coordinator.”

I said I would.

I didn’t.

A couple of weeks later, I was heading to Dallas to assist my good friend Karen Smith at an SFB certification.

I would be on the road for over 6 hours and my wife said, “hey, since you’ll be on the road, you should call the transplant coordinator. You’ll have plenty of uninterrupted time for the initial interview.”

I said I would.

I didn’t.

Instead I used the time to think.
Get my head straight.

“Is this something I really want to do” kinda getting my head straight.

It was a quiet ride -- with nothing but the humming of the V8 under the hood of my truck to keep me company.

I kept asking God, “is this something you want me to do?! Please, guide me. If this is NOT in your will, please make it impossible for me, remove this cup.”

Well, I didn’t get an answer that day in my truck.

Or did I?

Instead I ended the drive with this “feeling” in my gut and my gut was saying, “Well, is this something you WANT to do?”

I believe this's how God answers us.

In the end, WE need to make the decision and we can’t keep dumping our responsibilities of making a decision on Him.

I knew I had to make the call.

And that call would come, 4 weeks later.

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