"Where you place the blame is where the power goes."
~ Alex Hormozi
(If you're just joining us, we're in the middle of our "Rage" series. If you want to catch up on past pieces––for context––you can read parts 1, 2, and 3 here.)
Based on your triggers in life––a result of emotional, psychological, and physical wounds––you develop and perception of the world––a perception of "reality."
That perception leads to your results in life, positive of negative, and move you to 1 of 4 paths.
In Part 1: I revealed, "The Depressed Path."
This is where you become the wound. "Woe is me." Perpetuating your Toxic Cycle. Or you take Path #2: "The Path of Ascension" and avoidance in order to not address the wound.
While we may perceive this path as "good"... it too leads to the Toxic Cycle... keeping you a slave to rage, guilt, and shame. The Path of Ascension is the narrow path, the "self-care" path of pleasure which leads to destruction.
True freedom is found on the HARD PATH, the...
Path of Ownership
The path is hard because we have to admit everything is our fault and take 100% ownership. Now, before I continue... you might be thinking, "that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"
"What about people born into poverty and slavery? Or a child who's uncle (or father) r***ed them every single day? How about women and children sold into sex trafficking? Is it their fault?"
No, that's horrifying. People who lived those experiences, I'm not denying that. What I am saying is... it's all about how you respond when you come out the other end. You and I can't control what happens to us.
The only thing you and I have control over is our effort, the actions we take each day, and our attitude––how we respond to life. I was exposed to porn at 6 years old––and molested multiple times per week from 6 years old until I was 12/13.
Was that my fault?
No, it wasn't.
Only a sadistic, narcissistic, pedophile would say "YES!"
But I refused to allow life to happen to me. The moment I was able to change the stories I told about myself and develop the courage to admit the results of my life moving forward are my fault.
That's when the game changed.
You can't solve a problem you don't own.
The 3rd path is about taking hold of the wound, taking control of the stories you're telling yourself––and the meaning you've been giving to those stories.
Then challenging them with the demands of evidence and proof. The antithesis is, it's not your fault––the Path of Passivity.
Life begins to happen to you, you become a victim of circumstance, and remain trapped in the same place. And one day you wake up to your "new normal" asking yourself, "how did I get here."
The beginning of the path of passivity
Passivity in the beginning at Garden of Eden when Eve reaches beyond herself for wisdom, instead of trusting God.
"… the woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes, and the tree was desirable for gaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate." (Genesis 1:6)
It was the woman in the garden which first desired wisdom.
In 2022 I wanted to understand wisdom, or what it meant to be "wise." I started by reading one Proverb per day and I noticed all the wisdom books of sacred scripture:
- Job
- Psalms
- Proverbs
- Ecclesiastes
- Song of Solomon (Canticles of Canticles)
- The Wisdom of Solomon (Wisdom)
- Sirach (Ecclesiasticus)
Had one thing in common. They refer to wisdom in the feminine. Virtue too is referred to in the feminine:
- Ladies: Liberty, Wisdom, and Justice.
- Holy Mother Church (Mater Ecclesia).
- America
Conversations with Wisdom
In Boethius' Consolation of Philosophy he is thrown in prison, on trumped up charges, and awaiting execution. Incarcerated, he contemplates his life and suffering.
It's at that moment he ends up having a conversation with "Lady Philosophy," the essence of philosophy. Philosophy comes to him in the form of a divine female figure to console him.
She convinces him of the vanity of regret and raises his mind to the contemplation of the true good. King Solomon too appears to have a conversation with Lady Wisdom.
Who is more desirable than gold, silver, gems, and all the knowledge the world can offer. The Nature of Wisdom: nurtures and nourishes the soul.
Teaches, purifies, and informs the intellect. Corrects and feeds the mind.
I was talking with my wife one morning and sharing with her how I noticed a correlation between wisdom and the feminine. And in her wisdom she helped me close the loop.
Wisdom and virtue are made for man to pursue. Man is always seeking wisdom and understanding. He is always seeking what he perceives to be "good."
And woman is made to be the COMPANION for man. Man is to love, honor, pursue, and care for her.
To obtain, cherish, and keep her as you would his natural wife. A man is good to his wife and wants to see her succeed. He would never hate his wife just like he would never hate his own flesh.
"(9) Neither did I like to her any priceless gem, because all gold is but little sand in her sight, and silver will be accounted as clay before her. (10) I loved her more than health and beauty, and I choose to have her rather than light, because her radiance never ceases." (Wisdom 7:9-10)
She, Lady Wisdom and your wife, are more precious than gold, silver, and gems. We are to become one flesh with wisdom. And it was my wife, a woman, who gave me the key to unlock my understanding of God’s wisdom––whom in the fulness of time takes on flesh in the person of Jesus of Nazareth.
We blame the woman, our wife...
I share this scene in the Garden because Adam fails to take ownership. Too many times I hear men make jokes about Eve.
And how it's her fault, woman's fault, for the fall of man and the entrance of the human condition. In reality, it's Adam's fault.
The Covenant was made with him, not Eve. After Eve disobeyed and ate from the tree of knowledge, do you know what happened? NOTHING happened, because the covenant was made with Adam.
After God enters the Garden, He calls to Adam, not Eve. Because Adam is the leader––the commander in chief. "And the Lord called Adam, and said to him: 'where art thou?'" (Genesis 3:9)
When God asks him "where art thou?"
He's not referring to Adam's geographical location. He is God and knows exactly "where" Adam is. God is asking Adam, "where are you in relation to me?" "Where is our relationship?"
Giving Adam an opportunity to confess. What does Adam do?
He blames his wife.
"The woman, whom thou gavest me to be my companion, gave me of the tree, and I did eat." (Genesis 3:12)
Not only does he blame his wife.
He blames God. "The woman, whom thou gavest me to be my companion."
See: "it's not my fault, God. You gave her to me. If you didn't give her to me, none of this would have happened. This is not my fault, it's her fault."
From there, Eve blames the serpent.
"And the Lord God said to the woman: Why hast thou done this? And she answered: the serpent deceived me, and I did eat." (Genesis 3:13)
No one takes ownership of the situation.
Adam blames his wife.
And Eve blames the serpent.
They had an opportunity to confess their disobedience; their abuse of freedom; and be reconciled to God.
But they chose the Path of Passivity.
The results of blame
We are experiencing the effects––of the human condition––not because of Eve. But because Adam "listened to the voice of his wife."
He failed to lead his wife and by consequence, he allowed her to lead him. He failed to take ownership which would allow him to serve, protect, and defend his wife––and women are damn pissed off about it (whether they admit it or not).
How many men are allowing their wife to lead their home; their domestic church?
For the answer... all we need to do is take a look around us. If we continue to navigate the paths of depression and ascension, we'll forever be slave to our Toxic Cycle of rage, guilt, and shame.
... and by consequence... never complete things we start.
And never attain the goals we are chasing in life.
That's all for today... thanks for reading,
hec "I know it's my fault" g.
Btw... A few months back, I started my first religious podcast on YT but have never "promoted" it. I'm using it as a platform to help me write my first book.
If you're into that kinda thing, you can checkout the first few episodes, here. If it helps you, you get value from it, and want to help me "fight the good fight."
Subscribe, like, and share.
P.S. Path #4 is a "secret" path. And can only be approached once we've exercised the humility to walk the Path of Ownership.
[To be continued...]