"Our stories lead to our results (positive or negative)."

In Robert Bly's book "Iron John" he talks about the concept of "the wound."

This is essentially our life experience.

The root of all of our stories in life.

If you're not doing what you know you should be doing, step #1 is taking a step back. Detach from the situation for a moment and… reflect on your past experiences.

It's our experiences which lead to our stories. And these stories are leading to a belief about ourselves.

... and this belief about yourself is leading to your results.

(Positive or negative.)

As I mentioned in part 1, it's the belief about yourself which keeps you from solving the problem. I call this the "Toxic Cycle."

[September 2018]

I set out on a mission to help men become better men, husbands, and fathers.

But I had no clue where to start.

I mean hell... I was still working on myself. "How can I help other guys? What could I really have to offer? I've never help men in this capacity."

These were a few of the, many, stories I was telling myself. But the biggest story I was telling myself was... "I'm a Fraud!"

At this point of the journey in helping men.

I was working crazy hours.

• I would coach at my gym (Hardstyle) till ~11pm.
• Then come home, read and do research on what problems men dealing with... and how I can help men.
• I'd edit videos.
• Write sales copy for my products.
• ... and write posts like this for you.
• I would do this until ~6 in the morning some days (just ask my wife).

My wife got my "left over" energy.

I was not being with my kids. I was not being what I was trying to help the men in my audience become.

A Better Man.

The result?

I felt like a fraud.

Here I was putting out this message about "being a better man" when I wasn't evening doing it well. This led to negative self-talk/self-sabotage. I intentionally delayed putting out my program, "Better Man Blueprint" for 6 months.

My rationale was.

"Well, If I don't complete the program... men can't enroll and discover that I am in fact... a fraud."

(... the greatest fear of every man is being "found out." Being found out he's not truly who he's portraying to be.)

This story made it hard to grow my business (because your thoughts = your results). Because of the growth struggle I worked harder--and longer.

Which led to EVEN less time with my family. Leaving me again feeling like a fraud.

This is what I call, "the Depressed Path." It's where you become the wound. All you can think about is the negative... how bad you have it.

The Depressed Path = the Toxic Cycle.

The Depressed Path = the Toxic Cycle.

E.g., I felt like a fraud trying to teach men to be better > Negative self-talk/self-sabotage > the problem: couldn't grow my biz  > so I worked harder and longer > less time with family > Felt like a fraud.

In the end, you become the wound.

The only way out of this cycle was for me to do what I call "Bucketing Work." In Iron John there's a scene where a hunter heads into the forrest to "find some action."

In the center of the forrest he comes across a pond.

... it's in that moment an arm comes out of a pond and rips the his dog beneath the surface of the water. The hunter goes back to town and brings back three men. Each with buckets.

They commit to "bucket" out the water from the pond.

To get to the bottom of what took his dog.

This is a metaphor for life.

The pond represents a man's soul.

Everything above the surface represents his consciousness. Everything beneath the surface represents his subconscious––the root cause of his stories and beliefs about himself.

If you want to better understand the source of your rage and why you do what you do. Or why you don't do what you know you should be doing like:

• Strength training more often.
• Making better food choices.
• Going to Jiu-Jitsu more often.
• Spending time with your family.
• Making critical decisions to move your life forward instead of using excuses like, "I need to talk to my wife first" or "I don't have time." 

We know we should be doing but yet... we don't do them.

Why?

The only way to discover why... is to do the "Bucketing Work" of your soul. To get to the root cause of your stories.

If you don't.

You could end up living life in Path #1: The Depressed Path.

Appreciate you reading.

Part 3 of this rage series will be available: 27 February 2025 @ 12:00 CDT.

hec g.

Btw...

I forgot to mention in my last post. There's a 4th path... a "secret" path.

The Path of C************ and A********.

This is the path less traveled and reserved for men who are ready for change. In fact. It can only be taken if, you've taken the 3rd path.

I'll expand on this one in the last post of this series.

P.S.

It is known in human history that children often go in the opposite direction of their parents.

As the poem goes…

"Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times."

Each of these cycles spans a generation of 20 years.

What does this particular cycle look like?

It's the "Toxic Cycle."

The cycle we're all doomed to repeat.

... and secret Path #4 is about recognizing and breaking the vicious cycle.

[To be continued...]